Caregivers told they need to love themselves, too
Friday January 25, 2008 -- Deron Hamel
Staff members in long-term care homes need to avoid falling into the “messiah trap.”

That was one of the messages delivered by Rev. Stan Chu Ilo at a Jan. 24 Four Counties Palliative Care Network seminar entitled “Spirituality in Long-Term Care.”

Ilo, a Roman Catholic priest, scholar and author, told the audience that as caregivers they need to make sure their own needs are being met before they tend to the needs of others.

Caring for people in long-term care, said Ilo, is a lot like helping someone with their oxygen mask when the cabin pressure drops on an airplane — you should always put yours on first.

Although he admits he’s not an expert on long-term care, Ilo, who ministered for a time at Extendicare Peterborough, is familiar enough with the setting of care homes to know that staff members sometimes feel underappreciated.

Long-term care, he added, is an environment where people are vulnerable to do everything for others while doing nothing for themselves. He refers to this as the “messiah trap.”

And when people fall into this trap it can cause problems for everyone concerned, Ilo noted. It can lead to exhaustion, depression and frustration.

“How can you find the peace within you when you’re always trying to care for others?” said Ilo. “You cannot give love unless you’re already the centre of love.”

Ilo also warned about the dangers of working in long-term care for the wrong reasons. If someone, for example, took a job in long-term care because they have the need to be needed, they chose the wrong career, he said. Individuals in this case would be doing the job to help themselves, not to help others.

Staff members in a long-term care homes need to be prepared to give without getting anything in return, he added.

Asked what he hoped caregivers walked away with from the event, Ilo said he hopes participants have a renewed sense of loving themselves and understand that “they’re doing a fantastic job for humanity.”

Barb Bremner, a pharmacist consultant for Medical Pharmacies and member of the Four Counties steering committee, says she enjoyed the seminar, which was sponsored by OMNI Health Care and health-care company Nova Nordisk.

In particular, Bremner felt Ilo’s portrayal of different personality types found in some long-term care homes was accurate. She cited Ilo’s explanation about how some caregivers might not understand an individual they’re caring for and become upset if the resident becomes angry with them.

“The PSW (personal support worker) or the nurse (often) takes someone’s actions personally, when it’s not personal at all,” she says.